We are often our own worst critics, speaking to ourselves in ways we would never dream of using with a friend—or even a stranger. While we readily extend compassion to others, we continue to be harsh and unforgiving toward ourselves. This pattern of self-criticism can negatively impact many areas of life and may lead to anxiety or depression. If you struggle with self-compassion, here are some strategies to help shift your inner dialogue:

Practice Perspective-Taking

When you find yourself in a moment of struggle or notice negative self-talk, ask yourself: If my best friend/loved one was in this situation, what would I tell them? Once you have your answer, offer the same kindness to yourself.

Reconnect with Your Younger Self 

Find a childhood picture of yourself that brings you joy. Keep it somewhere you can see it. When self-criticism arises, ask: What would I say to that child at this moment? This simple act can help foster gentleness and understanding toward yourself.

Use Self-Compassionate Phrases

Search online and discover self-compassion affirmations that resonate with you. A few I like are:

• May I be kind to myself in this moment.

• It is painful for me to feel this way.

Put these phrases in places you will see them throughout the day: on your mirror, in your car, or on the lock screen of your phone. They will give you constant reminders to extend kindness to yourself.

Incorporate ‘Loving-Kindness’ Meditation

Find a ‘Loving Kindness’ meditation to practice daily. This type of meditation helps you to offer kindness to others and then to turn that kindness toward yourself. Practicing it daily can help rewire your inner dialogue to be more gentle and supportive.

Ask Yourself Four Self-Compassion Questions

Dr. Kristin Neffoffers 4 questions to ask yourself that elicit sympathetic self-talk:

1. What am I observing?

2. What am I feeling?

3. What am I needing right now?

4. Do I have a request of myself or someone else?

No child is born with self-hatred. It is something we learn–and often teach ourselves. If you can be taught to hate yourself, you can be taught to love yourself. Just as learning a new language takes time and consistency, learning to have self-compassion does too.

In therapy we can work to understand and identify where the learned behavior of self-criticism came from and heal those traumas and attachment wounds. Healing can make self-compassion feel more natural and accessible. You deserve the same kindness that you so readily share with others.